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Game 101: The Formula

March 12, 2014

Formula

So now it’s time to get down to business. Many of you have read Game blogs or been searching the Manosphere for exactly how to do what the PUA’s describe. This can be a frustrating experience because there doesn’t seem to be a clear cut answer for how you go about learning Game. That however isn’t true. There is a formula that you can follow. Technically, it isn’t a formula, but a road map to get you from one point to another.  This formula isn’t something that I invented, but was in fact created by a PUA by the name of Adam Lyons (the same guy who taught me game). The orginal version can be found here.

 

http://www.attractionexplained.com/

 

While many will see the source of this and decide that it is tainted because of it’s origins, I would encourage you to go the opposite direction with it. Instead of viewing this as a guide to get you into pick up culture, instead look at this as the blue print for everyday human interaction. This information can be used by anyone for any reason. It could be nefarious or it could be benevolent. The usage of it is completely up to you. For those of you who are completely turned off by the thought of using something PUA’s created to get sex and using it in a different way, I would recommend visiting Deep Strength. He is steadily deconstructing what God intended Masculinity to be. You would be hard pressed to find a better person to help you navigate these rather murky waters than himself as he is firmly grounded in Biblical doctrine.

 

For the rest of you who aren’t turned off by the idea of using Game, here is the formula.

(Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation

For those of you who are now feeling a little intimidated, don’t worry, I am going to do a specific post on each one of these items. But let’s take a general look at what the “formula” is saying. You will learn to transition fluidly between these four items. They are not to be done in order, but when you feel the time is right for each one. You will notice that there are 3 mathematical symbols in the formula. They are there for a reason. When you talk to most people, you will spend the majority of your time building Comfort and then Breaking Rapport. This is simple conversation with someone who doesn’t intimidate you. You talk about things you have in common and you decide what you disagree on. There are many special forms of Breaking Rapport such as negs that are used at specific times and for specific reasons, but in general it is very innocuous moments when you dislike someones favorite song or something. We will get into the specifics of why you should do this later.

The next step is the complete opposite of Breaking Rapport, which is Qualification. In Qualification, you bring out something in someone that you like and build that characteristic up. Some will consider this a sales technique, but people use this all the time. Every time your baseball coach praised you for a good hustle on the field, or your dance teacher praised you for your effort, they were qualifying you. They noticed something they liked and wanted you to repeat and they gave you praise for showing that quality in an attempt to get you to show it more.

And finally, there is Sexual Escalation. PUA’s refer to this as escalating for short. This is when you move the conversation in a sexual direction or attempt to touch someone with the intent of getting them used to you. Watch any “Natural” while you are out and about and you will see that they are excellent at this. It is one of the main reasons for their success with women. This isn’t something you will do as a Christian until you are married, but your wife will be putty in your hands.

There is more to it however. Let’s imagine the hardest environment to start a conversation in, the cold approach. You see someone randomly and know nothing about them, but are going to try and not just start a conversation, but have a good one. What are you supposed to do? Well, you will have to start with an opener. So now the formula looks like this.

Opener + (Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation

But even this isn’t enough as you can’t jump into just any place in a conversation and assume there is comfort there. So you will need a period where you will do nothing but build comfort so that you can then safely break rapport without consequence. This is a period of Pure Comfort. This period is when everything is on you and usually takes about 5 minutes to solidify the conversation. So now the formula looks like this.

Opener + Pure Comfort + ((Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation)

And then, you will need a closer. A way to end the conversation that is mutually satisfying for you and the other person involved. These can vary wildly depending on who you ask and what your goals are. Ours will surprise you when I get to that post, but for now, just know that closing is important. It’s something she will remember and will be her link to you in the future. So now we have the final version of the formula:

Opener + Pure Comfort + ((Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation) + Close

This is going to look a little intimidating, but I assure you, with practice, your conversations will be natural and flowing. You will wonder why you ever fought this in the first place. In time, you will actually notice that you are no longer chasing girls in conversations, but that they are chasing and trying to please you. The trick is to remember they are God’s creatures too and deserve the respect inherent to that position. You as a Christian man may want to get a wife or you may simply want to make a few friends. Either way, this formula will get you there. I’ll share the specifics in upcoming posts.

I’m out,

JOJ

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Body Language: Hands Down

March 5, 2014

ArmsCrossed

 

When you are talking to people, the majority of what you are communicating has nothing to do with your words or mouth. You communicate a lot about yourself and your comfort level in the environment just with how you stand in the room. Look at the guy in the above picture. He is smiling nicely, looks healthy, and seems to be in decent shape. There is something strange about it though. It’s those arms. Why are they crossed like that? He is communicating that he is nervous with his body language like that. It’s a subconscious thing that all men do. Your body acts out in ways that you are not even aware of. Next is this time honored favorite.

ArmsPockets

 

Yep, the hands in the pockets. He is more comfortable with his surroundings than the guy above, but he is still communicating nervousness. In most social situations, all the guys will be standing in a similar fashion to this. So let’s look at another picture and I want you to figure out for yourself why these guys seem so incredibly awkward.

guys-talking

 

One has his hand in his pocket, one has his hands on his hips, one has his arms crossed, and the other is nursing that drink right in front of him. It’s a collage of all the things not to do to communicate being relaxed. So, how should you stand? Yeah, there really is only one way left. With your hands by your side.

man-standing-casually

 

I can’t tell you how difficult and powerful this is all at the same time. It communicates huge amounts of information about you. To another guy, there is nothing special, but imagine you are a woman who is smaller and weaker. Instead of walking up to a guy who is acting nervous and defensive, he is open and relaxed. This makes you approachable, but more importantly, it makes you stand out. The majority of the guys in the room will not look like this. They will be communicating nervousness without knowing it. You will be the guy who is not. You will feel like a goof ball the first few times you do it, but just see how different a conversation is with a woman when you speak to her with your hands in your pockets verses this.

 

This is only the first step in proper body language, but it’s one you can practice anywhere with anyone. So go outside and try and start some conversations. Talk to old ladies if you are just too nervous to approach attractive women. Open up your body language and get used to the feel of it. After a while, this will become normal for you.

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Inner Game: Boundaries

March 1, 2014

boundary_full

 

 

Boundaries. Most Christian Guys that I have met have this one MASSIVE hole in their social interactions with women. With people at work and family, you seem to do just fine, but you see that pretty girl, and your brain turns off. She couldn’t possibly do anything bad to me. I mean seriously, you don’t have a smile that alluring and be pure evil right?

 

The reality is that (unlike what you will hear in certain other parts of the manosphere) women are not pure evil. They are humans, and, like all humans, have evil hearts. Humans behave in a very particular way. When given clear boundaries, we behave, play nice, are respectful, and don’t abuse others. But put in an environment with no boundaries, we abuse everything in site. There is an old saying the a tyrant lives in the heart of every man. The reason the tyrant can exist at all is that no one put up boundaries for that individual.

 

I watch a show called Game of Thrones. In this show is one of the most epic Jerks that I ever witnessed. Tywin Lannister. I want you to watch both of the below videos.

 

There is a lot happening here, but I want you to consider the name of this show GAME of thrones. Tywin Lannister has game. He isn’t interested in women, but if he were, they would be throwing themselves at him……naked. Obviously, he isn’t someone that we want to emulate in every possible way, but there is something that we can learn from this epic character, boundaries. Tywin Lannister operates in a world where he has value and power. Because of that, he is able to establish boundaries of engagement that few others can match. What makes Tywin Lannister so formidable is how he can casually and confidently establish firm boundaries with anyone he meets. Lady Tyrell is a powerful woman who is brought completely to heel when faced with this man. King Joffrey physically shrinks when his grandfather decides to get serious. Why? They know that if they challenge this man, there will be consequences. He doesn’t raise his voice often, but when he does, people get quiet.

 

You too must begin to develop this skill. Tywin Lannister is a Jerk because he has unbelievably rigid boundaries. Nothing comes in and nothing goes out. The reason women love Jerks is because they have firm boundaries. In fact, women would rather have unhealthy boundaries than no boundaries at all. That is one of the reasons that women have such a hard time leaving a man who is abusing them. They know that Jerks are not going to let themselves be walked all over. By simply having boundaries (rigid or otherwise), Jerks naturally create situations where they can Break Rapport with women. We will learn in detail about this in the coming weeks, but for right now, just know the term. Breaking Rapport is the spark of attraction. It is where all the tingles of attraction come from. You on the other hand don’t want to have the boundaries of a Jerk. You should let good things in and draw a firm line in the sand against the bad things. This is no easy process, but I have completed a book that I think will help greatly.

 

You can find it at amazon here:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Buy from Amazon

 

The reason women see you as a Nice Guy is that you let them walk all over you. They have no boundaries. They can sense this and loose respect for you. Without respect, for a woman, there can be no attraction. You will need to develop the ability to give even the most attractive woman you have ever met boundaries. It shows that you are accustomed to beautiful women. That their beauty isn’t going to cause your boundaries to disappear.

There will be many specific techniques for accomplishing this that we will learn in the next few months, but for right now, it may be best to simply start practicing them with people you already have in your life, such as your family. While this post took me longer to get up than I had originally planned, I prefer to read a book before recommending it. I have read it cover to cover and it has some excellent information in it. Digest it well because it will serve you faithfully for the rest of your life.

 

I’m out,

JOJ

 

 

 

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The Goal: Good Men

February 21, 2014

Genuinly-nice-to-girls

Gentlemen, when you think of the word Jerk, what comes to mind? I was looking for a way to explain the dichotomy that exists in my mind, but a picture is worth a thousand words, so here’s a youtube video instead!

It hurts me, but it’s sooo catchy. We know the girl in this video. The internet is rife with examples of her and explanations of why she likes one guy over the other. Both guys in this video are trying to get into her pants, we as Christians don’t live this way, but it’s important to note that they are using two separate strategies for the same purpose. One succeeds while the other is left in permanent beta orbit as her emergency fallback. The reality is that we don’t want to be either of these characters. The hard part to see is that both of these characters have positive and negative traits. So let’s look into these traits and see the difference.

characteristics

As you can see, there are some very positive things to both of these types of people. So, let’s go back to our original image.

BreakdownImproved2

We want a synthesis of these two characters. We want to have the best of all possible worlds. So we want something in the middle. That is the Good Men category. They have a lot if not all of the positive characteristics of a Jerk with a lot if not all of the positive characteristics of a Nice Guy, but they are neither one or the other. It’s a win/win for you and the women you meet. They get all the sexual market value and marriage market value that a girl could expect, and you get to set the terms of the engagement as you are going to be demanding a very high premium in exchange for your status.

Hopefully that helps to clear things up a bit.

I’m out,

JOJ

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Inner Game: The Pedestal – Part 2

February 20, 2014

Big question

So now we have a goal, put God back on the pedestal in my life. It’s His proper place to be worshiped by those He created, but the question is how can we accomplish this? For many who have grown up in a western culture, we have been taught (in a very indirect way) that we are supposed to revere and admire the female sex. They are supposed to be our better halves, with wisdom that we don’t have, grace that we don’t have, nurturing, caring, loving, patient, blah blah blah, or so we have been raised to believe……

This morphs into a mild form of psychosis when a relationship does materialize. You have a pretty girl land in your life and now she becomes your everything. You want to spend all your free time talking to her, being with her, or (dare I say it) worshiping her. Why wouldn’t you? She’s been on your pedestal all this time, it’s the natural thing to do. She has lots of problems, but you have your blinders on. You don’t see any of that because you aren’t actually in love with her but instead the idea of her that has been fermenting in the back of your mind since your last great rejection.

So there you are nursing your fantasy crush like a perfectly manicured chia pet, and on the other side of this relationship is a real human woman. She woke up that morning with a bad hair day and eye crusty’s. When she got home that night, she took off her boot socks (my God, why do the women in this country all have to own those brown leather boots) and her feet stank.

—————–Interlude:———————

Google search: brown boots college girls

boots2

It’s like they have a hive mind, or there’s a disease that only grows on white girls feet.

————-Interlude Ended:—————-

She’s not perfect and she knows it. She lives everyday with putting on makeup to cover up her acne. Her hair would look like a briar patch if it wasn’t for the absurd amount of product she pours into in on a weekly basis. Her skin requires moisturizer on a near hourly basis to maintain that beautiful shine. You talking about how perfect she is 10 times in 2 minutes isn’t going to make her feel better. It’s going to remind her of this insane standard she has set and just how unaccustomed to women you truly are.

The reason why God isn’t in His proper place in your life is the absurd case of Oneitis you have developed BEFORE you ever met the woman to attach it to. You heard that right. All that time you spent thinking about how great it would be to have a wife someday but not actually going out and talking to girls, all the time you spent praying that God would send you the “One”, and all the time you spent away from socializing with other people out of fear, was time you spent building up an image of a perfect woman who will never exist.

There is only one true remedy in my book. You must go out and see what you are pedestalizing for yourself. Seeing women in all there silliness in person is the greatest anathema to your dilemma. Seeing women for yourself will cause a complete change in how you think from which there is no return. It’s much like the red pill. There is no “One” person who will make your life complete. Look at David, he had multiple wives, and he stole another man’s on top of it. God was very pleased with him (because of his repentant heart) and offered to give him more wives if he wanted them. They are helpers. There are many who could be your helpmeet. They are not the rare breed that you are making them out to be.

For every decision in life, there are pros and cons. You may find a beautiful woman to marry, but she may be crap mother material. On the other hand, you could have a woman who is homely, but is fine wife material. You will never be able to see these characteristics clearly unless you get out there and start to meet people. If you do not, you will still see women as objects to be adored, instead of people who are no better, and in some cases, worse than you. In the coming weeks, I will show you the basic framework to begin adding specific Game techniques into. So if you have ever wanted to try a version of Game that a Christian could use, hang in there. It’s coming.

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For those of you who are still nursing that pedestal when you saw this girl,  just remember what my Grandfather told me before he passed away.

Grandfather: You see that girl over there?

Me: The really pretty one? Yeah!

Grandfather: Always remember, no matter how good she looks, someone…. somewhere….. is tired of putting up with her crap!

You will have to meet quite a few to understand. They don’t deserve that pedestal!

I’m out,

JOJ

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Inner Game: The Pedestal – Part 1

February 18, 2014

pedestal

Every man’s life exists for a reason. God made you for a reason, but the real question is what is that reason? For that, we would need to go to the source.

 

Ecclesiastes 12:13  Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

 

Sounds pretty simple, but life doesn’t exactly continue along in a simple way. If you are anything like me, you were raised in a church setting. They told you to be yourself around girls. They told you that looks weren’t that important. They told you to be nice, polite, and a gentleman. They told you to be patient when you saw the girls you wanted to date going out with guys who were obviously not living in a Christlike manner. Being told all the wrong things and then watching as men who didn’t do the “right” things get the girls. It probably made you a bit resentful, or at the very least, confused.

 

You quickly learn that your advances towards women are not welcome and so you stop trying regularly. You want a girlfriend, nothing crazy. But the longer you go, the worse the problem gets. You double down. You spend time in your Bible and praying that God will send you “the One”. And slowly but surely, that unattainable woman makes her way onto that pedestal. She is the one thing you cannot have, so she is the one thing that you desperately need. It’s not always a burning need, but it’s always in the background. It creeps up on you in moments of weakness when you are feeling lonely and vulnerable. The need is undeniable.

 

lonely

 

 

I remember this stage in my life. I grew up in a church and I became a paragon of Christian virtue. I was better with the Bible than most of the adults who were teaching me. The older women in the church used to tell me how much they wanted their (very attractive) daughters and grand daughters to marry me. I spent a lot of time in my Bible, in prayer, and fasting for the poor and infirm. I had the occasional girlfriend along the way in spite of myself, but I was a Nice Guy. Two of my girlfriends actually broke up with me over it. I was too nice. That didn’t compute at all. Nice was supposed to be what the women folk were looking for. Repeat this process (ad nauseam) for nearly 10 years and you end up where I was at age 27. I was alone, desperate for attention, obsessed ( I wouldn’t have called it that at the time),  building a great porn addiction in the background, and hated myself for all of it. Many a night were spent in prayer begging for forgiveness for being the wretch that I am and not focusing on God the way I needed to.

 

What I have come to realize is that I was in a prison of my own making. All my attempts to ignore or blame women caused me to fantasize about them more. By making them unapproachable in my mind, I had inadvertently placed them on the pedestal, made them into more than they were. Women had become this unknowable but deeply desirable thing that I would never have or truly understand. Sounds a lot like what God was supposed to be.

 

A man only has one pedestal in his life. Everything else that is not on that pedestal is secondary. Some things reside closer to the pedestal, but none are on the same level with it. The reason I hated myself was because I knew that God belonged on that pedestal, and all my attempts to ignore women had actually caused me to place women in His place in my life.

 

So what do we do to get women out of God’s proper place? Hang in there, I’ll tell you in Part 2.

 

I’m out,

JOJ

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Inner Game: Respect

February 16, 2014

respect

As a man, one of the greatest enemies you will every face is yourself. Looking into the mirror and acknowledging what is actually there and what is not is an exercise in humility and growth. We as Christians are also called to not be complacent. We are told die to ourselves, to put the old man on a cross and crucify him. Flesh is a powerful thing, it controls you in ways that you are not always aware. It is your enemy. It must be conquered for you to become more Christlike. This is a life long progression, and you will never “get there” and be done. But knowing that you are supposed to do something and knowing how to do it are two different things. So if you are to conquer your flesh, is it not wise to first understand it? To know what it seeks and use this knowledge in your favor is the pinnacle of what my version of Game is about. To take the carnal and subject it unconditionally to the spiritual.

 

In order to do that, you must understand yourself and your flesh. Before you go any further, watch the video below in it’s entirety.

 

So now you know. We hear the word love batted around churches today like it is candy from a pinata. God is love. God loves you. Everyone wants to feel loved. No wonder men leave the church. One of the greatest psychological needs that you have as a man is the desire to feel respected. It is built into you the way that engines are built into cars. Without these driving forces, neither the car nor the man will go anywhere.  It’s what drives us to be better. To be looked up to and admired by people around us. To be someone worthy of other peoples respect is intrinsic to manhood.

 

There is however a small problem. Love is a gift. Respect is earned. For you as a man, one of your deepest needs is something that is not given away. So you instead have to DO SOMETHING to have this need met. This is not easy on us. In today’s world, men are actively spoken of disrespectfully just because of their gender. Feminism treats men as perpetrators and perpetrators in waiting. It’s not a matter of if you are going to do something wrong, but when. To add insult to injury, most of the methods that men have traditionally used to fulfill this need are no longer the guaranteed successes that they once were. Fathers are no longer considered necessary for raising children and are treated with contempt by the media and entertainment. Men are also finding that making money is actually turning into a noose that the family courts will use to hang you with if your wife becomes, simply, “unhappy”. The outlets for us men to have our needs met by society are drying up and as such, so are we.

 

Look around your church and tell me how many men age 30 and under do you see? Then examine your church and see how much respect the ministers and the women of that church show the men. I bet I know why it looks the way it does.

 

In order for you to be successful in life (not just with women), you need to know that you desire respect. It drives you. Why do you think you wanted to be a knight, astronaut, ninja, whatever when you were younger? Those men had skills that were respected in their time. Know this about yourself and accept it. Respect is a large part of what your flesh seeks. It is built into you. There is nothing wrong with wanting respect. There is something wrong with doing unholy things to get it. Our Game, at it’s core, is about getting respect from people (not just women) in ways that are Holy and pleasing to Jesus Christ. It’s about subjecting your flesh by giving it what it needs, but not indulging it’s sinful side. Respect is earned by men who bring value. For people to know that you love God, but not have respect for you is a recipe for nothing. In order for people to see Christ in you, they must first respect you. For those who want to know how to get it, hang in there. Answers are coming.

 

I’m out,

JOJ

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