So now it’s time to get down to business. Many of you have read Game blogs or been searching the Manosphere for exactly how to do what the PUA’s describe. This can be a frustrating experience because there doesn’t seem to be a clear cut answer for how you go about learning Game. That however isn’t true. There is a formula that you can follow. Technically, it isn’t a formula, but a road map to get you from one point to another. This formula isn’t something that I invented, but was in fact created by a PUA by the name of Adam Lyons (the same guy who taught me game). The orginal version can be found here.
While many will see the source of this and decide that it is tainted because of it’s origins, I would encourage you to go the opposite direction with it. Instead of viewing this as a guide to get you into pick up culture, instead look at this as the blue print for everyday human interaction. This information can be used by anyone for any reason. It could be nefarious or it could be benevolent. The usage of it is completely up to you. For those of you who are completely turned off by the thought of using something PUA’s created to get sex and using it in a different way, I would recommend visiting Deep Strength. He is steadily deconstructing what God intended Masculinity to be. You would be hard pressed to find a better person to help you navigate these rather murky waters than himself as he is firmly grounded in Biblical doctrine.
For the rest of you who aren’t turned off by the idea of using Game, here is the formula.
(Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation
For those of you who are now feeling a little intimidated, don’t worry, I am going to do a specific post on each one of these items. But let’s take a general look at what the “formula” is saying. You will learn to transition fluidly between these four items. They are not to be done in order, but when you feel the time is right for each one. You will notice that there are 3 mathematical symbols in the formula. They are there for a reason. When you talk to most people, you will spend the majority of your time building Comfort and then Breaking Rapport. This is simple conversation with someone who doesn’t intimidate you. You talk about things you have in common and you decide what you disagree on. There are many special forms of Breaking Rapport such as negs that are used at specific times and for specific reasons, but in general it is very innocuous moments when you dislike someones favorite song or something. We will get into the specifics of why you should do this later.
The next step is the complete opposite of Breaking Rapport, which is Qualification. In Qualification, you bring out something in someone that you like and build that characteristic up. Some will consider this a sales technique, but people use this all the time. Every time your baseball coach praised you for a good hustle on the field, or your dance teacher praised you for your effort, they were qualifying you. They noticed something they liked and wanted you to repeat and they gave you praise for showing that quality in an attempt to get you to show it more.
And finally, there is Sexual Escalation. PUA’s refer to this as escalating for short. This is when you move the conversation in a sexual direction or attempt to touch someone with the intent of getting them used to you. Watch any “Natural” while you are out and about and you will see that they are excellent at this. It is one of the main reasons for their success with women. This isn’t something you will do as a Christian until you are married, but your wife will be putty in your hands.
There is more to it however. Let’s imagine the hardest environment to start a conversation in, the cold approach. You see someone randomly and know nothing about them, but are going to try and not just start a conversation, but have a good one. What are you supposed to do? Well, you will have to start with an opener. So now the formula looks like this.
Opener + (Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation
But even this isn’t enough as you can’t jump into just any place in a conversation and assume there is comfort there. So you will need a period where you will do nothing but build comfort so that you can then safely break rapport without consequence. This is a period of Pure Comfort. This period is when everything is on you and usually takes about 5 minutes to solidify the conversation. So now the formula looks like this.
Opener + Pure Comfort + ((Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation)
And then, you will need a closer. A way to end the conversation that is mutually satisfying for you and the other person involved. These can vary wildly depending on who you ask and what your goals are. Ours will surprise you when I get to that post, but for now, just know that closing is important. It’s something she will remember and will be her link to you in the future. So now we have the final version of the formula:
Opener + Pure Comfort + ((Comfort – Break Rapport) + Qualification * Sexual Escalation) + Close
This is going to look a little intimidating, but I assure you, with practice, your conversations will be natural and flowing. You will wonder why you ever fought this in the first place. In time, you will actually notice that you are no longer chasing girls in conversations, but that they are chasing and trying to please you. The trick is to remember they are God’s creatures too and deserve the respect inherent to that position. You as a Christian man may want to get a wife or you may simply want to make a few friends. Either way, this formula will get you there. I’ll share the specifics in upcoming posts.